From Self-centeredness to Christ Centeredness.

This is a stab at articulating some things in my self and being part of the community that are on the edge of full articulation. This is sort of a sketch of thoughts on what living for and in Christ as member and prior of an intentional Christian Community.

Several things are on the horizon for the community, yet what they mean for the community is currently very vague and the time table for them happening is also uncertain and depends on things which are not entirely in our or my control. This is a difficult place to be one that requires detachment and a keen sense of call and the reason for having made and continuing to make certain sacrifices. Our Rule speaks of growing in awareness of things held in common, of hospitality and of being for the other. All of this, if followed, calls for moving beyond a self-centerdness into dieing to one-self for the sake of Christ. Here is the rub: at times it is not clear to me how what we do, what I do is for Christ, nor is it clear to me what exactly that means. I am not always sure how to evaluate these things.

The lack of clarity in part comes from the the moralistic interpretations of being Christ centered or the narrow cultural interpretations that would view my identification as Goth as a form of self-centeredness. Yet, I have for sometime felt that my identification as goth Christian and pastor was a coincidence of things That are expressions of myself and of being for Christ.

What I feel being called to now is that to entirely give over this identity to Christ and all that i do: for instance working with Kilter Magazine. What is odd is that this sense of call changes nothing of the externals, rather it is a disposition towards these things. A releasing of a preoccupation with identity and its preservation.

What has lead me to this I am finding that my various involvements are exhausting me, because I am attempting to do them because I am interested in them and for myself. Yet I have also been lead to do them for the sake of Christ and others. attempting to keep a division of what I do for myself and what I do for "ministry", creates at times an exhausting burden, because most of what I do currently is due to my interests and identity and yet I am also doing them as "ministry"

What I think is happening is that who I am is being taken up into Christ, I will take part in the editorial work of Kilter, I will write for Catapult, pastor Reconciler be Prior of the Community of Holy Trinity as its founder,

This all should not be surprising when Kate and I began down this path it was not for us but for others. Before our friends approached us and asked to start a community with them, we did not feel called to community. the very act of founding the Community of the Holy Trinity was an act of leaving aside a certain path in which we would have still served Christ but would have pursued our interests and certainly would have served Christ but in away that the service of Christ would have been through the preservation of an identity in the service of Christ, there would have been "ministry" we would have done and the things we did in our own pursuits separate from "ministry" I don't have a ministry, I don't have that which is for myself. This goes against much current conversation of self-care.

Labels: community life, Reflection, Spiritual Life

*CINO and Imagining spaces

*CINO has raised over 1500 dollars by yesterday towards the purchase of the Huss School property.  The deadline for the closing date for the property was moved back so they have a new deadline to raise the approximately 4000 dollars to be able to purchase the property.  

Labels: *cino, community life, property

Feast of the ascension

This evening the community held a vespers service with Holy Communion for the Feast of the Ascension to which members of Immanuel Lutheran Church and Reconciler were invited to attend. Since we are in the parsonage of we use Immanuel's chapel for our morning and evening prayer, we share this space with Reconciler . If one wishes one can join us for morning or evening prayer but people joining us for prayer has only occurred a couple of times and requires letting us know since the church is not usually open at 7 in the morning or 7 in the evening. One person showed up who has been to Reconciler and is a friend of Kates and mine as well as a couple other members of Reconciler. Since it was a feast day and members of the two churches were invited to join us in prayer it was different and it was the first time the community had its own Eucharist service.

I am of two minds about the service and that only one person showed up. I feel that in preparing for this service I came to understand the Divine Office better and the possibilities for the community as we enter more fully into it. So, I feel that marking this particular feast day and others is worth doing since it is living more fully into the patterns our Rule sets down for us. Yet, doing so is difficult with any full number. Given many peoples schedules even in the community itself there is rarely more than three of us at any one prayer service. even for us who have joined a community who say daily prayer is important other things (work schedule and other things) can mean that rarely do all of us show up together at prayer. So, that only one person outside the community showed up perhaps isnt' surprising. I wonder if few show is it worthwhile. I feel a little funny that I put so much thought into the service.

Then I think that especially of late as I have lived into being the sole pastor of Reconciler as well as prior of Holy Trinity, I know that keeping Morning and Evening prayer (even if there are days I miss one or the other) have given me the spiritual resources to face the chalenges of the past several months. I want to share this with others, and our friend did show up, so their might be a desire for this, but like the community has found over the years in a busy urban enviroment even when one is intentional about it keeping morning and evening prayer is a difficult thing to do.

Then there is that this is the feast of the Ascencion, and part of me finds this an odd thing to mark. Intelectually and theologically I understand it as significant and important, but although growing up I was in churches that marked Easter and to some degree emphasized that easter was a season of 50 days and then also celebrated Pentecost, the Ascension was never celebrated, not even celebrated on the Sunday before Pentecost. And for some reason as I have been preparing my sermon the issue of a cosmology in which heaven is up, (which it obviously is not literally), has troubled me about the story of the Ascension.

So, as I lead this service tonight, questions, doubts were swirlling about my head, and so even I was perahaps wondering what we were marking this evening. And then only one person shows up and only some of the memebers of the community. Also, it was a departure from what has been our practice, so I wonder if I should have lead us to do this. But as I said above, I am of two minds. I also, found myself seeing through to see that the action of Christ ascension is metaphorical as well as literal, and thus Jesus going up into the sky doesn't necesarily mean some cosmological commitment I do not share, but there is and always has been the symbolic meaning of up and down, and so this is about not only the glorification of Chrsit, but of all humanity in Christ. This is the last affirmation that Jesus of Nazareth was both God and human and that the incarnation is what has is and will transform the world.

Labels: community life, Divine Office, Feast of the Ascension, Immanuel Lutheran Church, Reconciler

Something from *cino

Our friends and hopefully soon partners over at *cino, are hoping to purchase property in Three River's Michigan to provide for a physical location for *cino. Check out the web page giving the vision they have for this property. It is an old school house. We are excited about this. And you maybe noticing that Holy Trinity seems to have a connection with Three Rivers Michigan.

Labels: *cino, fundraising, property

We are still active even if we haven't blogged in a year.

It has been over a year since we posted anything to this blog. However, it has been a full year for us. We explored for a time being a place from which a musician could travel touring coffee houses playing her music, and for a time she did so until deciding that she wanted to settle in another city. Also last year we were approached by someone who was taking a sabbatical from Christian Peacemaker Teams, and wanted to do so by living with the community for four months. Also in the last year two members moved on from the community and two members joined We have continued to have occasional Friday suppers to which at times over 20 people have come to one supper. And we have had our various celebrations of Birthdays, and Twelfth night, and people over to watch movies and then discuss them.

In October we had our first all community Retreat at St Gregory's Abbey in Three Rivers Michigan. We reviewed our Rule and life together. In doing so we recommitted to observing our times of prayer especially morning and evening, and agreed to for right now to have two days a week group mediation as our morning and evening prayer. We also came to the realization that something we do as a community and a way we live into our sense of calling to hospitality is that we take in people who need a period of time to recover or a time to transition from one period of life and circumstance to another. We decided that we needed to name this and simply officially say that this is something we are about and do as a community. Currently we can only recieve people who are able to pay for full room and board while they take this sort of extended retreat, which means we can't always take in people in need of such time of recovery. Our hope is to be able to eventually be in a position where we can offer such retreats with scholarships given to those who need to cover a large portion of the costs of their time with us.

In this last year we have also reminded and pushed the directors of *culture is not optional (*cino) to move on reforming their board so that the decision could be made of us to join *cino as an intentional community of *cino. The board is now reformed and hopefully they will be soon considering and discussing the proposal we sent into *cino two years ago or so, just before members of their former board had to step down and the directors had to take a position at Calvin College, and moved from Three Rivers to Grand Rapids.

We are also exploring ways we can expand and receive new members and also have room to have retreatants hear from time to time. We have someone exploring possibly joining the community in the fall, and are looking at the feasibility of renting an apartment near Immanuel Lutheran's parsonage. We are also exploring ways to expand and solidify the relationships the community has with Church of Jesus Christ, Reconciler which I, Larry, pastor in addition to being prior of the community, and Immanuel Lutheran Church. One of our members is now both a member of Immanuel and a member of their church council. In the past year we have taken up for a month or two at a time taking leadership of the evening prayer service at Immanuel on Wednesday evenings, and we join in the community meal on Wednesday evenings which is part of their mid week afternoon program for school children and youth.

If you have come by and any of this sounds interesting to you and you'd like to join with us in any way or interested in becoming a member feel free to contact us via e-mail and we can let you know how you can join with us. If you are in Chicago set up a time for a visit or come and join us for prayer.

Labels: *cino, community life, Immanuel Lutheran Church

Easter thoughts on Brother Lawrence and Practicing the Presence of God

We are now a few days into the season of Easter. I had intended to write reflections over the whole of Lent on Brother Lawrence and Practicing the Presence of God. I obviously did not. In part because the more I read the more I realized that the simple life Brother Lawrence exhorts and the simplicity of practicing God's presence in everything and at all times was very difficult. for the last three weeks of Lent resting in God's love and remaining aware of god's presence became a real struggle as I realized how little I am mindful of God in my daily activities and as I realized how I could so easily be distracted away from resting in God's love.

Brother Lawrence is honest about both the simplicity and the difficulty of this way of life. He repeatedly says how he will fail to live this from moment to moment but he has learned to become aware of this and simply confess it to God and then continue on without self-chastisement. I found this was part of the struggle to simply let go of attempting to be perfect in practicing the presence of God and resting in God's love.

Now on the other side of Lent and Holy Week in this season of focused celebration on Jesus Christ's resurrection, I see how Brother Lawrence's life is infused with the fullness of Holy Week and Easter. Brother Lawrence trusts fully that all has been accomplished in Christ but also understands that the Christian life is both Cross and resurrection. The struggle and the achievement aren't simply mine I enter into what Christ did and in Faith I find that what I do is not enough but that God raises me up out of my failure if I trust in What God has done in Jesus Christ. In the face of the Cross and resurrection my own failures become invisible and I am able to move beyond them and not be mired down in the moments where I do not see or fail to remain aware of God and trust in God's love.

Labels: Brother Lawrence, Easter Reflection, God's Presence

Lenten Reflection 2: Brother Lawrence on Heaven and Hell

It appears these reflections are going to be weekly reflections.

Brother Lawrence's emphasis is very much on living and doing things out of the love of God. In Brother Lawrence's experience the hurdle to living this way was a concern for his being lost: the fear of hell. Lawrence said that he overcame this struggle through seeking to engage the "religious life" solely out of love for God unconcerned about his ultimate destination. It is interesting to me that it was precisely here that Luther got stuck, and apparently could not love God without concern for the destiny of heaven or hell. I wonder if this is why "faith", whether one defines "faith" as a nebulous articulation of trust or in terms of doctrine, often becomes a work in some forms of Protestantism. If faith isn't somehow about the love of God, but a means of getting free get out of jail card in a crazy cosmic game that God runs then no matter how much we talk about Christianity being about a relationship with God we have turned it into a system of exchange, its just making sure you have the right currency: Faith is the currency not works.

However Brother Lawrence says there is no currency, there is no buying our way out, no insurance policy, just love. Or rather love of God becomes the motivation and what is received, and then one finds one is in a relationship with God and once one trusts that relationship the fear of hell the questioning of attaining heaven simply melts away as one places all ones trust in God: ie. Faith.

There is a way of conceiving Christianity that is current today that speaks a great deal about receiving blessings from God, and destiny, and the possibility of missing our destiny or blocking God's blessings. It creates a great deal of anxiety among many Christians who fall into this language and conception of the Christian faith. If you have things going a little or a lot wrong you wring your hands wondering if there is something in your life that is keeping God from blessing you, or preventing you from receiving your destiny. There is perhaps a way of looking at this that may be correct. If one is not living in loving communion with God, Father Son and Holy Spirit, one may not be able to see what God is doing in your life and thus unable to take up what is right in front of you. However, loving God does not ensure a smooth life, it does not mean one wont be unemployed, or never ill even if one is perfectly within the love and will of God. The life of faith is not magic God is not manipulated by our actions and our actions do not guarantee that God will do certain things.

Brother Lawrence shows us that part of loving God is letting go of our destinies and focusing on what God will do for us. When we do this Lawrence reminds us we find ourselves in the embrace of a God who loves us. We find this when we find our motivation for prayer or avoidance of sin etc., not in attempting to get things out of God but in simply our love for God, which Scripture tells us we have because God first loved us.

Labels: Brother Lawrence, Lenten Reflection

Lenten Reflection on Brother Lawerence

For my holy reading during Lent I am reading selections from Brother Lawrence. I have decided to occasionally post some of my thoughts that arise from that meditative reading. A major (perhaps the) emphasis in Brother Lawrence's life and thought is practicing the presence of God, in fact that is the name of the work that is a collection of his sayings. So it is not surprising that the first installment of these Lenten reflections is on the awareness of God's presence and what distracts us from that awareness.

In what I read today Brother Lawrence speaks of keeping a sense of God's presence through continually conversing with God. We quit this conversation to think of "trifles and fooleries". We can remove ourselves from the sense of God's presence by replacing a devotion for God for a devotion to other amusements and trivial things. However, all this can be misunderstood unless we hear this not as an abstracted reflection but as coming from one who could find a sense of God's presence in peeling potatoes or in other simple menial and seemingly meaningless activities. If one remembers this about Brother Lawrence's life then we realize that what makes something an empty amusement, or a trifle or foolery isn't necessarily in the activity or thought itself but in how the one approaches and engages the activity or thought. Does one's washing dishes, or driving or small talk consume one so that there is no means to retain the sense of God's presence in the activity? There may be activities that to do them would simply be antagonistic to retaining a sense of God's presence but such activities would have to be in themselves set against God. However, I do not think such activities are addressed in what I read from Brother Lawrence today. Rather "trivial devotions", "trifles" and "fooleries" have to do with approaching otherwise neutral actions, activities, and thoughts without seeking to be in continual conversation with God. In other words the above named activities are as Brother Lawrence describes if we allow them to distract us from seeking to be continually aware of God's presence and in conversation with God. We can allow certain activities to cause us to put God over there in those things and not here with me right now in what I presently do, in so doing the activity has lost its explicit connection to that which enlivens all things and makes them true beautiful and alive. When we do this we have fallen into "trifles" and "fooleries" as the activity takes over our consciousness and becomes our devotion.

I am aware that so often during the day this is exactly what I allow what I do to become. Even work in and for the community or as pastor of Reconciler becomes trifles and fooleries, when all my attention and devotion is given over to them without a thought for God's presence. It is so easy for what we do or think to consume us and drive away our sense of being in God's presence. This is why there is Lent, and spiritual disciplines and the liturgy, because we need reminders and means for practicing the presence of God.

Labels: Brother Lawrence, God's Presence, Lenten Reflection